Reader Question: How Can I Connect With Women Like Galvanize USA Does?

Thank you to one of our newsletter readers for this great question!

Galvanize USA’s programming is a great way to reach millions of women at scale. But how can each of us connect with our neighbors, our cousins, our mothers in law, and other women in our own lives when we don’t see things eye-to-eye? What can we do as individuals to bring other women with us in our quest for a better America?

Here’s some fantastic advice from Galvanize USA Founder & Executive Director Jackie Payne:

“Think about a time you have been willing to consider someone else’s perspective and even change your point of view. This can be easiest when we feel like the person we are talking to genuinely cares about or respects us, is not judging us, offers their perspective rooted in their values and lived experience, and asks questions that make us reflect. 

Under these conditions, we reconsider whether our initial perspective is in fact aligned with our values and who we want to be in the world. If cognitive dissonance is created in a non-defensive state, we wrestle with our own values and ultimately come to a conclusion that is much more durable because we arrived at it ourselves.”

That’s the key: your goal should be to connect with women you disagree with, not persuade them! You have to give people space to reach their own conclusions. Besides, the ultimate goal is to get curious, understand yourself and them better, and build real connection through values. Now that you have the right mindset, here are three research-based persuasion tips for talking to moderate (or not-so-moderate) women in your own life! 

1. Don’t fact battle. It can be extremely tempting to share facts and talking points and sources when we’re certain someone else is wrong, but that very rarely works. In fact, this can make people feel defensive, which causes them to double down and dig in their heels. If you feel a “well, actually” coming on, try listening with curiosity instead. 
   
   
2. Stay curious. Practice active listening even when you’re hearing something you strongly disagree with. Ask some open-ended questions to get to the heart of the other person’s beliefs. Keep listening without judgment—but don’t auto-confirm what you’re hearing either. Try reflecting back what you’ve heard without actually affirming ideas you don’t agree with. 
   
   
3. Listen for values. Every conversation is an opportunity to discover shared values. Listen, then try naming a shared value. “I can hear how much you value fairness” or “It sounds like politeness is really important to you” can go a long way! Once you understand what someone values, try appealing to them on that value. 

There’s no quick fix; this takes time! Focus on building a strong relationship and showing that you always listen and you’ll be out there building bridges in no time.